It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
