Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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