why didn't you poke me back
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
