My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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