I need help removing her.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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