Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You have to summon your inner elephant
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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