I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
