my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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