Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
