so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
bring money and cleavage
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
