My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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