I'm lost and stupid without you.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize
