I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
