i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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