Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
They have beer where we have blood.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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