i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
