No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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