do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
