one might say we're banned from that church
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
