and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
