So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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