Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
