my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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