I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
