umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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