You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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