this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
