Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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