using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
