i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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