you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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