Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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