I love black thongs
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
