I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
