If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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