i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
