I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
