he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
