hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
