I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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