At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
