dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If its not for food we ain't going out.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
