Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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