She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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