At least make sure they are 18
Why
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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