i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize