Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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