counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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