Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
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