His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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