I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize