nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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