So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize