I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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