Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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