ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
