What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
