So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I AM VODKA MAN
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize