You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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