What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He? As in you personified your dick?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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