I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
